Surrender

What does it really mean to surrender?

I realized what I have been writing about with living into uncertainty, living into ان شاء الله (God willing) and living into الحمد لله (Praise be to God) can be summed up in the idea of surrender.

I did a brief search about the word surrender this week. In general terms, it means giving up control to someone else. In spiritual terms, I found it expressed across religions as aligning with God’s will, living by God’s will instead of our own will, and going with the flow of the universe rather than fighting against it.

I want to say I have learned how to surrender (especially since I’m a pastor), but I can’t. I also want to say I have failed miserably at surrender and that is also not true. I have made some progress at being more patient and trying to see what comes rather than trying to control everything.

Trying to control things that are out of my control is hard work, but letting go of things isn’t easy either. I’ve been thinking this week about what it actually takes to surrender and am I willing to do it?

I think I have a vision of surrender as being peace and joy every day, and maybe it is, but to my chaotic soul that feels almost impossible to achieve. Although maybe that is the exact problem, surrender feels like something I have to achieve.

I’m good at achieving, I struggle more with being. Surrender isn’t about making something happen, but about letting things happen. I have often seen the road to surrender as praying more or being a more perfect Christian.

The idea of surrender as aligning with God gave me food for thought this week. Aligning is a verb which means it is a process. Maybe I am already in the process just (of course) the transitional part: the leaving behind of old beliefs, the recognition of the complexity of God and the world, and testing out new ideas. Maybe all of that is the process of coming into alignment and surrender?

I will likely never achieve a surrender that is based on a checklist of requirements, but the process of coming into alignment feels more possible, especially if kicking, screaming, and crying are allowed as part of the process. The achievement and control part of me feels like this answer is a cop-out, but I think seeing surrender as the process of alignment emphasizes that surrender is a journey rather than a goal that has to be achieved now.

I still have a long way to go, and I’m still not sure I fully know what surrender requires or if I’m always willing to live it, but hopefully I’m on the journey of aligning with God as I continue to explore and walk this path of transitions and surrender.